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What this basically means is that to be the leader in the relationship, you have to learn how to be a leader. You can learn this by taking leadership roles in community organizations, at work or at volunteer organizations.

If you do not have an opportunity to take on leadership roles, then invest in a bunch of self-help books. There are many, many books written about leadership and what it takes to be a good leader.

Until you are actually good at leadership, you will never attract a follower. Now that you are ready to attract a submissive partner, you should also look at the other qualities you want to find in her.

Being submissive is merely one personality trait. If you are just looking for that trait, you could easily end up with a mismatched partner.

Instead, make out a list of the qualities you want. Being the submissive person in a relationship does not mean that your partner cannot be confident, funny and intelligent.

It only means that she is willing to take a backseat at times in the relationship and let you handle things. She still needs to be able to speak up and let you know what she wants.

If she is too submissive, your relationship is doomed to fail unless you can read her mind and actually figure out what she wants.

The level of submissiveness you are looking for depends on how assertive you want to be in the relationship.

If you are extremely aggressive, then you may need someone who is more submissive. At the same time, this could end up scaring someone who is extremely submissive away.

Everything in a relationship is finding the right balance between what you want, what she wants and what you need together.

Last, we have to ask, do you really want someone who is too submissive? It can be hard enough figuring out what your girlfriend wants when she is assertive.

If she is too withdrawn or submissive to voice her desires, satisfying her can be impossible. Most men want a submissive girl because they are insecure and lack confidence.

If you are a confident person with a high self-esteem, then you can handle being in a normal relationship.

If not, you may need to look for a submissive partner who satisfies your ego. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Currently you have JavaScript disabled. In order to post comments, please make sure JavaScript and Cookies are enabled, and reload the page. Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser.

Many submissives in a submissive relationship wear a collar to indicate their submissive status and commitment. It can be much like a wedding band, except that only the submissive partner wears one.

The traditional collar is a neck band in leather or metal, chosen, designed, and even crafted by the dominant partner.

Some subs may wear a "symbolic collar", often a bracelet or ankle chain, which is more subdued than the traditional collar and can pass in non-BDSM situations.

It is not uncommon for a sub to have several collars for special occasions. Many people—for example, some in the punk rock and goth subcultures —wear collars for other reasons, such as fashion.

So, one cannot assume that all people wearing collars are involved in BDSM. Members of the furry fandom may also wear collars as a part of costuming or as fashion.

Use of collars in the sexual aspects of furry lifestyle may or may not be connected to BDSM, depending on the individual's preferences.

One of the most famous works in this area is Leopold von Sacher-Masoch 's Venus im Pelz Venus in Furs , , in which the protagonist, Severin, persuades a woman, Wanda, to take him on as her slave, serves her, and allows her to degrade him.

The book has elements of both social and physical submission, and is the genesis of the term "masochism" coined by the 19th-century psychiatrist Krafft-Ebing.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Erotic roleplay involving the submission of one person to another. For the film, see The Dominant Sex. For other uses, see Dominance and submission disambiguation.

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Human furniture :A nude submissive woman being used as a decorative table. She is required to stay in the same posture, such that the vase over her does not fall top.

A human-table formed using three nude submissive women bottom. This section does not cite any sources.

Please help improve this section by adding citations to reliable sources. Further information on when consent can be a defense to criminal liability for any injuries caused, and when, for these purposes, non-physical injuries are included in the definition of grievous bodily harm : Consent BDSM and Legal consent.

See also: BDSM in culture and media. Gloria G. July The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Canadian Journal of Psychiatry. Current Psychiatry Reports.

Sexual Abuse : December Medicine, Health Care and Philosophy. No matter what you end up writing, be honest with yourself.

Make it yours. Oh and if you get to a point where you need some help with topics, head on over to Submissive Journal Prompts and answer a thought or question from there.

I have over there so you may never run out. Every month I'll update you on the latest from Submissive Guide and you'll get first access to new resources, offers and events.

Keep us running with your support. Join SubguidePlus for our latest tips, tutorials and submissive tools! The Importance of Journaling Your Submission.

Find more related content. Advertise on Submissive Guide.

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In the West, gender equality and a stronger role for women in the workforce mean that you are less likely to find submissive women. Before you can even start your search, there are a few things you need to understand.

Despite what you hear among anti-feminists and traditionalists, women are not naturally submissive. When anthropologists look at matriarchal societies, it is the women who hold the power and take on leadership roles.

Interestingly, this even extends to cases of rape. Since rape is fundamentally about power, it is not the men who do the raping in matriarchal societies.

Women are in the position of control, and men are their submissive counterparts. What this means is that women are not naturally submissive.

You could argue that their smaller physique means that they are less likely to win in a fight, but societies are not based on who is strongest.

Otherwise, you would have body builders as presidents and CEOs instead of people who have the intellectual capacity to run a country or a business.

Submissiveness is something that is taught within a culture. How someone is raised greatly determines their character traits and how they perceive their gender.

For example, the androgynous look is extremely popular among men in Japan. When Abercrombie tried to advertise muscular, physically imposing male models in Japan, their ads failed.

The same advertisements did well in the United States where men are raised to be more muscular and masculine.

If you are looking for a submissive woman, one place to start is with her culture. Many women raised in the West are not taught to be submissive. They are raised to be equals and to take on leadership roles.

If you want to meet and date a submissive woman, then you need to find a culture where those traits are valued among women.

In many Asian societies, women are given submissive roles. In China and Taiwan, you find men dominating leadership roles—even when those roles are at jobs traditionally dominated by women such as teaching.

In Japan, women are expected to have a family and care for their spouse while the husband provides for the family financially.

If you are looking for submissive women, start by looking for women from a culture or background where those traits are prized among females.

Another thing you should consider is the type of woman who matches your personality traits. If you are terrible at cooking or managing a checkbook, you need a partner who can do these things.

To do this, you have to be extremely self-aware. Too many people are over-confident about their abilities. The action of flogging refers to impact play.

Usually made of leather with a hard handle and multiple long flat strands attached. The term can also be used to describe the person holding the specialized whip.

It was popularized in internet chatrooms, to make it easier to identify the orientation of the writer or the person being written about.

Also, some submissives eschew personal pronouns, instead referring to themselves as "this slave" or "Master Bob's girl". This is sometimes considered an expression of modesty, but it is an entirely optional method of depersonalizing a submissive during "play".

It may have roots in the military , where new recruits are required to refer to themselves as "this recruit", rather than "I" or "me".

Relationships may be monogamous or polyamorous. Fantasy role play can be an element, with partners taking classic dominant or submissive roles, or classic authority-figure roles such as teacher and student, police officer and suspect, or parent and child.

These variations may include:. Some examples are:. Consent is a vital element in all psychological play, and consent can be granted in many ways.

Some employ a written form known as a "Dungeon negotiation form", for others a simple verbal commitment is sufficient. There are many versions of consent but mainly it is the knowledge between the partnership of who plays the dominant role and who plays the submissive.

As well as the fact that all erotic experiences are performed in a safe, legal, and consensual practice as well as benefiting both parties. Surface consent has been defined as a simple yes or no.

Negotiation in terms of the sexual scenes is required to ensure that the BDSM play is enjoyable and safe for both parties involved.

The discussion of what activities are available and the mutual definition of the play is the only way both the dominant and submissive will be able to comfortably perform.

Safewords are verbal codes both partners can recognize as the end or altering of activities done in a BDSM scene.

It is an important asset to continue the consent through the relationship and scene itself. All of it ensures a safe space where both participants are able to enjoy the sexual play.

The BDSM community takes consent very seriously and promotes safe play. They also provide public playrooms with dungeon monitors to make sure the rules are kept and followed.

Although they take all the precautions to the events, coercion and sexual assault still occur inside and outside the community.

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom NCSF is an educational organization that is driven to propose positive and safe sex that was founded in That being said just because someone participates in a dominant and submissive relationship does not mean they will eventually be sexually assaulted or coerced.

Consensual non-consensuality is a mutual agreement to act as if consent has been waived within safe, sane limits. It is an agreement that consent is given in advance, sometimes without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned, though within defined limits subject to a safeword, reasonable care, common sense, or other restrictions.

The consent is given with the intent of its being irrevocable under normal circumstances. As such, it is a show of extreme trust and understanding and is usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear, safe limits on their activities.

It is not unusual to grant consent only for an hour or for an evening. When a scene lasts for more than a few hours, it is common to draft a "scene contract" that defines what will happen and who is responsible for what.

It is a good way to work out what all the parties want and usually improves the experience. Some contracts can become quite detailed and run for many pages, especially if a scene is to last a weekend or more.

For long term consent, a "slave contract" may be drawn up. BDSM "contracts" are only an agreement between consenting people and are usually not legally binding; in fact, the possession of one may be considered illegal in some areas.

Some ceremonies become quite elaborate, and can be as involved as a wedding or any similar ritual.

Some people maintain a special room or area, called a dungeon or playroom, that contains special equipment, such as shackles , handcuffs , whips , queening stools , and spanking benches or a Berkley horse , for example, used for play scenes, or they may visit a BDSM club that maintains such facilities.

Many submissives in a submissive relationship wear a collar to indicate their submissive status and commitment.

It can be much like a wedding band, except that only the submissive partner wears one. The traditional collar is a neck band in leather or metal, chosen, designed, and even crafted by the dominant partner.

Some subs may wear a "symbolic collar", often a bracelet or ankle chain, which is more subdued than the traditional collar and can pass in non-BDSM situations.

It is not uncommon for a sub to have several collars for special occasions. Many people—for example, some in the punk rock and goth subcultures —wear collars for other reasons, such as fashion.

Is it going to be where you do writing tasks given to you by your Dominant? If so you probably don't have to worry about what to write about since it will be decided for you.

A way to get over that first hurdle would be to introduce yourself to your journal. Write about who you are, the relationship you are in or would like to have and some of the thoughts you've had about submission that you'd like to answer someday Once you get your first post under your belt you can dig down into what you want to get out of your journal.

This is your place. It can be private and intimate or open and wild. No matter what you end up writing, be honest with yourself. Make it yours.

Oh and if you get to a point where you need some help with topics, head on over to Submissive Journal Prompts and answer a thought or question from there.

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